What is making me sweat at this moment is - the shift from managing to creating. I notice a few key differences that make these new Entre courses in Entrepreneurship hot on my face. Bon appetite.
- I was a very successful manager of teams and processes . Now i have manage my own mojo.
2. I was a very competent decision maker and judge of options. Now i struggle to choose the chaos in my mind. Each decision seem to shift from great to grubby in an instant.
3. I was an expert orchestrator of groups. Now i talk myself to masturbation.
4. I was a charming presence on stage. Now its me and my mirror.
5. I was a smooth at schmoozing. Now i stare at my screen and scream.
6. I was a big spender with a fat cheque book. Now i bargain in the supermarket isle with the cashier.
7. I was a big title in the corner office. Now my couch doubles up as my bed.
So what is the big deal difference …
For me its the difference between Managing vs.Creating that seems to be my biggest brain shift on my journey of becoming my own brand.
I spend a lot of time being a creator of things. It could be a new article or a blog or a new website widget or a new accounting rule to learn regarding paying my taxes. Everything is an act of creativity.
The highs come when the ideas flow and become real but its hell when i get stuck and feel the mountain of minutiae. I have no one to ask for help in the moment.
Its a lonely journey. Step by step. If you give up no one is there to keep you going. In my past life i could delegate/lower my standards/ignore and no one would stop my pay cheque.
But now its all down to how hard i slog and how much i create. The more and better, the higher the chance i will be heard, read, paid.
I used to pride myself for being a visionary leader of teams but being self driven is much harder.
Corporate life is like being in an army. The rules become the hand rails. The group self corrects and self orchestrates. You can kind of blend in and bleed out. But in the open entrepreneur ocean you are pretty much on your own clock and you set the rules.
I tell you guys its not sexy at all to be free from the 9/5. Yet i toil. I toil because when i am in the flow its heaven. I lose my sense of time, i forget to eat, shower. I write about my dreams at 4 am and scribble notes for my first podcast on my shower wall with my shampoo fingers.
Its a tragic love story right now. Me in love with my muse while she looks disappointedly from a distance.
But i have survived one more day even though my ego mind wants me to quit so bad.
I am constantly playing ping pong with quitting my entrepreneur hustle and applying for jobs and plodding on the mission of becoming a happy spiritual self employed millionaire.
The trick i am using right now to keep my mind motivated is that i have also polished my CV and i apply for 30 minutes every day to jobs in the middle of building my website and writing and podcasting. Its like the training wheels on a bike…eventually they come off. But for now they are my escape button out of this hot hellish title called `Founder’. I need to lighten up and shut up and keep digging. I know.
If you are in my shoes, show some love and share me some of what you are smoking in your wet trenches.